Dream snapshot

I’ll Wear My Own Shoes

by Devonne Morgan

I laid down for a little nap and had this interesting dream…

I was outside in a yard/garden on a bright sunny day. My sister came up and asked me if I would come for a walk with her. I said sure and put down my gardening things. She looked at me strangely as I was brushing my self off and then she said “Would you mind doing something first?”

I said, “Sure, what do you need?” thinking that she needed help with something.

She is looking at me strangely, you know that look when someone is trying to get inside your head? It was weird and uncomfortable like she was being sneaky about something.

Next she picks up a pair of shoes that are next to her on a little table and says “Could you wear these shoes instead?” I am about to say yes (truth is I would do about anything for my sis) but as I am looking at these shoes I begin thinking… “huh?”

The shoes she is holding out to me are a strange tennis shoe that are made more for fashion than they are for practicality. They are all plastic, black and white, and very narrow. They look like something a teenager might wear. They look very uncomfortable.

I look down at the shoes I am wearing, a nice canvas tennis shoe. My shoes are blue and white with many different geometric patterns. The tongue is blue and white polka dots, one side is a striped pattern and one side has a sort of tribal pattern on them. They are very interesting, not something I actually own, but I like them, they make me smile.

Then I look at her shoes which are similar to mine except the blue and white designs are different.

I look back up and meet her in the eyes. Again she is staring at me kind of urgently. Her behavior reminded me of the old hag with the poisoned apple in the movie Enchanted. Being all nice but pushy. I am looking back into her eyes trying to figure out what her purpose could be in wanting me to wear these shoes that do not fit, in size or personality.

I say “I’ll wear my own shoes… if you don’t mind.”

She puts the shoes back down with a rather irritated expression.

I think that I have just past a road block in my life with the big name “People Pleaser” on it. It also says “DoorMat” and “Sucker”. I was brought up to be “the nice girl” the one who makes everyone else happy. While I do think it is important to be nice, I have realized that it is not my responsibility to make sure everyone is happy. It is my responsibility to be true to myself, to follow my instincts, and love. And, well, that doesn’t always make others happy!

I am no longer so easily manipulated by tears and pouting, loud voices and the stomping of feet. I will not try to calm the temper tantrum throwing brat with a “there there now sweetheart” when what should be said, if any response is necessary, is “if you are not happy with your present situation then change it”.

There are other things that I see:

Declining to be manipulated into roles that people force upon you.

Thinking things thru before you give a “yes” answer… you don’t always have to say yes…

Being comfortable in my own shoes, and being self confident enough to be me whether or not someone else can accept it.