Prosperity

by Sharon Mendenhall

In continuation of Sharon’s humorous explorations in the sixth and seventh issues of Wisp…

Prosperity is an interesting person, to say the least. She isn’t very attractive. Her hair is thinning on top because when she was small she used to pull it out. But Prosperity cured that, and she doesn’t seem to be all that self conscious about her hair anymore.

Prosperity is also a lot fatter than she should be for her age. But I’m not sure about her age. I mean, she’s a teenager, but she talks like she’s my grandmother sometimes. I don’t understand Prosperity, not at all. But I’ve come to love her anyway. I mean really love her, like I wish that sometimes she were mine. All mine.

And every time I call 1-SLF-AWRENES and make it all the way through Faith, Trust, and Acceptance to a few moments of speaking to Prosperity, I realize that as soon as I love Prosperity to the point that I would like her to be on my doorstep everyday, she will be mine. All mine.

You see, I’ve know Prosperity all her life, I just didn’t really like her until recently. When she was a baby, she was the ugliest thing that crawled on all fours. And the automatic judgement is that I believed that it was wrong to hate a baby. But this baby would have given Jumbo, Dumbo’s mom the heebie jeebies. Besides looking quite like a little toad with a thumb in her mouth, and a finger up her nose, portions of her hair was missing in clumps, like she had just been through some serious chemo. She had whining down to an art form, and couldn’t drink a thing without drooling. And it was very hard having a conversation with Prosperity’s mom, while Prosperity was on her lap, without thinking, “I wonder what this tub of lard is going to look like in another few years.”

Well, the tub of lard grew up, and she looks like a much, much, bigger tub of lard. It sort of takes your breath away. I mean, this child is taller than most men are, and rounder than my house. She ain’t never goin’ to the prom. I mean, a prom dress that big doesn’t exist.

And as I look at her now, I suppose she is of that type orientation where one chooses to never get married. But I always believed, that if you choose not to get married, that meant that you was still lookin’ a lot like Cindy Crawford, but just making some bad relationship decisions. It didn’t mean that one would choose to look like Dumbo, with very slim odds for a meaningful relationship. But I’ve begun to reconsider that belief. And I reconsider it every time I talk to Prosperity. She has a sweet voice, you know. And a shy demeanor.

And of course, I’ve just had that long conversation with Acceptance, and I’m starting to understand her too. I mean at first, all Acceptance would say was, “Look at yourself! Look at yourself!” I wanted to march right down there and punch her in the face on the side where her mouth didn’t crook, and maybe that would straighten both her and her mouth out. But the more I talk to Acceptance, the more I understand her. She’s telling the truth, and her attitude is a reflection of my attitude. Attitude reflects back a lot more than anything else. Attitude is a belief, and the belief causes my perception, and then I perceive an image in the mirror. And if I don’t like that image, whose problem is it?

I would recommend that everyone spend a lot of time talking with Acceptance, even if you don’t like her at first. Talk to her to the point where you don’t really care if she patches you through to Prosperity or not.

I noticed that I started to have a lot more respect for both Faith and Trust. For a while I believed they just sounded a lot like that New Age religion, where everyone hugs, spouts a few well-worn creeds about loving everyone, and then spends the rest of the evening concerned about whether the dairy products actually touched the organic vegetables. Faith and Trust are not only beautiful, but also innocent. And that’s how they want me to be. Innocent, like a child who only lives in the now.

So by the time I do get to Prosperity, I have so much love for her, I forget about all those previous judgements I made. Prosperity has dedicated her life to working the help-line. Although she is still way too shy to get an office of her own, I understand that too. You have to coax her, like you would a tiger from its den.

I guess this is why one has to talk to Faith, Trust, and Acceptance, before talking to Prosperity. I think Acceptance set it up that way. She’s really inventive. She designed the House of Mirrors at the Company Picnic entrance. It was her that thought everyone should walk through the House of Mirrors before moving on to more interesting things. She’s right, of course, begin every endeavor with a little self-reflection.

So having Prosperity be yours, all yours, is an emotion. You have to want and love her first.

Encouragement and Approval

Encouragement doesn’t have a phone, or if she does the number is unlisted. I guess it’s because we all really love Encouragement like she was a movie star. I think, if someone like Jodi Foster actually looked me in the eye, and said something about having read my book and really liking it, I would pee down one leg, and instantly become a writer with a total loss of adequate words. “Duh, gee, Ms. Foster, thanks for the words of encouragement.”

So although we seldom have the opportunity to actually speak directly to Encouragement, we all still seem to run around looking for her words. Hoping that someone else will use Encouragement’s words. We all love her words.

Encouragement is closely related to Approval. Approval is pretty cool too, but I never quite trust her. I’m never sure if Approval really approves, or if she is really a part time used car salesman. Does Approval really like my dress, or does she just want to sell me that ‘96 Saturn with the broken window and seat belt?

If Approval is talking, using the words of Encouragement, then it is much easier for me to trust her. I talked to Trust about that, but Trust is a real airhead at times.

Encouragement has a definite inner beauty, but most of the time she just hangs around in sweatpants and sweatshirt like the rest of us. Approval, however, is always dressed to the nines. Approval never leaves the house without makeup and every hair in its perfect little place. So if I don’t look like I’m on my way to the Fireman’s Ball, then Approval will make me a little nervous right off.

I find it weird that Encouragement gives herself to Approval any time of the day, and they’re only second cousins. And Approval must like Encouragement too, because sometimes she imitates her, using those words. Those wonderful words. They do seem to have a sincerely close relationship.

I did talk with Acceptance regarding my feeling towards Approval. Acceptance held up the mirror as usual, but then she did a strange thing. She peered over the top of it and winked. I hardly knew what to make of it at first. I tried to think back to what part of the conversation caused her to wink, and I couldn’t remember. But I think Acceptance winked to imitate Approval, and for a second, only a second, I thought I saw Acceptance with perfect makeup and perfect hair. Perhaps it was only an illusion. Acceptance can be a master at illusion. Sometimes she looks like Faith and Trust, and sometimes she looks like the Wicked Witch of the West.

Acceptance did make an interesting statement. She said that I should use the words of Encouragement, to myself. I thought that was a stupid idea at first, but then Acceptance said that if a movie star can spend an entire lifetime speaking scripted dialogue, then why couldn’t I? What if Jodi Foster is only wonderful because she picks scripts with great lines and a strong female lead role? Yeah, it’s a movie in a movie, but somehow, I think that in Jodi’s own personal movie, she speaks similar dialogue. In my personal movie I can say anything I want, because I write my own script.

I’m learning not to give a damn if using the words of Encouragement to myself might offend Approval, them being so close and all. If Approval has a problem with it, let her call 1-SLF-AWRENES and talk to Acceptance. That will set her straight.

Tugboat Annie

I went down to the basement of braindom today, where the 1-SLF-AWRENES help line office is. If you don’t know where it is exactly, it’s about four doors down from the gigantic DREAM Machine. You can’t miss it because Acceptance painted the door in rainbow colors.

Anyway, I had to bring some special food to Prosperity. Both her and I are on a diet, although it would take about six of me, to make one Prosperity. According to that, if she loses half her weight, it would be equivalent to three people.

Just as I was about to arrive at the rainbow door, I ran into Approval. Oh yeah, there she was in her cute little pink silk suit and matching pumps. The skirt was a little too short, but it did look good on her. She has nice legs. In fact, she has a lot of leg that start from her armpit, or so it seems.

She started speaking the words of Encouragement about my book, and how much she liked it, and I noticed that little tug in the pit of my stomach. The one I call Tugboat Annie. It happens every time there is a conflict between my thoughts and my feelings.

So the tugboat was chugging along pretty good, slapping onto the shores and bouncing off, and just flat making me pay attention to it. I could hardly concentrate on Approval’s words. But I already know the words. The words of Encouragement. I’m trying to use them myself, to myself.

Just about then, Trust came out of the rainbow door and saw Approval and I talking in the hallway. Well, Approval was talking, and I was trying to listen, but really concentrating on the tugboat. I realized that my thoughts and feelings were in conflict. I don’t always believe Approval when she is speaking the words of Encouragement, and that alone is enough fuel to power Tugboat Annie to the moon and back.

But then I noticed Trust, who was now standing next to Approval, and both her and Approval had on the very same shade of lipstick. Then Approval stopped talking and looked at Trust, and she noticed that they had on the very same shade of lipstick too. So that sparked an entire conversation about Mary Kay Cosmetics between the two of them.

Because Trust and Approval were getting along so well, I could relax for a moment and not have to think about having to say something. It was then that I noticed that Tugboat Annie stopped. She let out a couple of toots from her smokestack, but then she shut her engine completely down and tossed over the anchor.

It just felt really good having Trust there, even though she wasn’t talking to me. I started thinking about how much easier it is to handle Approval, when Trust is there. It sort of mellows Approval, and makes her more palatable.

So from now on, every time I run into to Approval, I’m going to call in Trust as a mediator. If I can’t find her, I’ll just visualize her being there, so that every conversation that I have with Approval will be a threesome. Approval, Trust, and me.