Shifting Views

by Dale A. Evans

Where the Wild Things Are

I once dreamt about a dingo. It had jumped up onto the bed I was sleeping in and cuddled down next to me; one arm cradling its neck, my other arm draped across its chest. While sleeping I was aware of its warm presence resting against me. In that space of dreaming in my dream world I began to stroke its soft muzzle. Then, as I began to move my consciousness into awaking within my dream, I felt fear begin to seep in. I began to feel that this was a wild animal, after all, and that it could turn on me in any moment.

When I was growing up I used to pet all the animals. My favorite movie was “The Three Lives of Thomasina” as I imagined myself the ‘witch’ who befriended and cared for them. I brought home strays that I was allowed to keep when we lived in the country before my parents were divorced. At one point we had lots of animals, numbering somewhere in the teens. And a pair of wild white doves, Pretty Boy and Pretty Girl, who came to eat from my and my mother’s hand each day. Dogs, cats, hamsters, guinea pigs, snakes, frogs, lightening bugs — you name it, I loved it.

One day while playing my brother and I made our way into an old chicken coop at the back of our property. Sitting atop a counter was a beautiful cat. It looked regal, like the Sphinx, only with tiger-striped features. It looked me straight in the eyes and I gazed back in awe. It was so beautiful. I felt it invite me pet it, but my brother said no, we should tell mom. That was when I allowed my first taste of fear to set in, ironically involving a chicken coop. We told mom and she said to stay away, it was probably a bobcat, wild, and could hurt us.

This did not completely frighten me from animals and wild things. I still fed the doves and pet the bunnies and squirrels and talked to the deer as they wandered past me. And stray dogs were simply visitors dropping by for a chat and a lick of my Fudgesicle. But I was more careful with telling my mother. I never forgot the bobcat’s regal beauty though, and its invitation. And as I write this my own version of it meows at me from its window hammock.

In my dingo dream, as I lay there stroking his soft muzzle, slowing gaining my awake in my dream consciousness, I felt these memories returning to me. I was open, allowing, fearless and as the fear crept in, I became more and more careful, cautious and finally, scared. It is then that the dingo got up onto a counter, just like that bobcat, and I was afraid to approach it. Just like I am in many relationships. Careful, it could hurt me. And I realized it was not anything that I was fearful of, it’s that I began to generate fear. It is all simply my reflection of me.

Upon fully waking, what struck me first was the sheer illogic of my fear. I’ve interacted with thousands of animals, and only a very few have hurt me. Yet, I seem to place more value on the few that have. Each hurtful interaction seems to negate thousands of kind ones. And the same for all my relationships. I see hundreds of people each day, and interact with innumerable things, and none of them hurt me. But the very, very few that have pick at a scab that I have not let fully heal.

Where the wild things are is inside me.

For the past month or so I’ve been hearing the song “Wild Thing” on the radio fairly often. I hadn’t heard it in years and years. I’ve been exploring this belief of fear of how we may hurt ourselves — for we do create all of our reality — with a few of my clients. Our fear manifests in many different ways; in doctors that don’t help but harm, parents that don’t protect but hurt, colleagues that don’t support but compete. There are many, many ways we express these beliefs and manifest them into our physical realities. I even had a telephone conversation with a client last night about how he was feeling very self-protective at this time in his life. I asked him when he had ever not felt this way, as this was the only him I knew. But I knew I was really asking myself.

I’ve become very aware of how the altering of my energy generates different manifestations. When I am open and allowing, I receive. And when I am scared and cautious I do not. And it is then that I can easily confuse myself with focusing on the imagery, the manifestation, trying to change that, forgetting that I need merely alter my expression.

No, it’s not as simple as changing the way that I feel by thinking differently. It’s exploring the beliefs I’m using to prevent me from being open to receive. What beliefs am I holding to as evidence and justification? And then remembering they are only beliefs, not truths, not evidence, not justification for my fear. And noticing how these beliefs affect my perception of my reality, how they span across my relationships with everything.

I go to the kitchen to cut up an apple for my squirrel friend. As I’m slicing I’m aware of how the knife may slip and I might slice myself. How very few times I have done this within the multitude of times I have cut up things, yet I allow the fear to be my automatic primary response. This fear that I may get hurt, that I may hurt myself, I have allowed to invade almost every aspect of every relationship I have. Not just my relationships with people and animals, but with things, too! My car may break down on me; I may get fired from a job; I may not get hired for this job; I may slip on the wet steps; I may not get a good seat at the movies; I may forget to tape my favorite show; I may be late to pick my son up; I may not have money for rent; all politicians are corrupt. There are infinite ways I believe I can hurt myself. And I have hurt myself a lot.

I remember years back when I decided to take notice of how often I discounted myself. I won’t hear myself directly insult myself anymore, but I still do let slippery aspects of it slide by, like not thinking I’m qualified or able to do something I want to do. Last night I decided to not worry, fret, be concerned about anything for one week. I wondered what it would feel like to simply trust with no movement towards avoidance, preparing for unpleasant consequences, or being on alert. Giving it some more thought, a week sounded like a very long time. How about I start with just a day? Just 24 hours of trusting myself and not worrying about anything, letting everything roll off and trusting it would turn out just fine without my involvement through defensive tactics. OK, so how about I take this 24 hour period hour by hour? Those seem like palatable bites. I can certainly be trusting and not needing to be on the defensive for an hour!

So far I’ve noticed that I’m worried, fretting, concerned, feeling attacked, needing to be defensive 4-5 times an hour. And it’s only been 12 hours. And I spent 5½ of them sleeping. And those are only the ones I’ve noticed. Many times I didn’t even notice I was worrying until 2-3 minutes into it. And there were times I didn’t even notice it was worrying, I thought I was just thinking. For instance, I began planning tonight’s dinner. Grilled shrimp sounded good. Could be expensive. Could be extravagant. Gotta get my propane tank filled. Damn, I hate replacing it, always scared I won’t do it right and will blow myself up. But Spencer’s supposed to play with a friend. I wonder what time? Should I make an early dinner or wait and make a late dinner? I don’t want to rush through such a nice dinner. Maybe I should cook up those sausages instead. What could I make with them?

All of my thoughts were based on other things either directly dictating what I should/shouldn’t do, or heavily influenced by them. The only original thought, meaning originating from my desires, was my desire for grilled shrimp. Everything else were obstacles I created, to later avert. I could call it forethought, but it’s really concerns and worries. I’d already created a possible horrible dinner experience before I even noticed this one. These are representative of all the energy I project towards averting what I don’t want. Representative of all the energy I project into what I don’t want, so that I can continue averting it. It’s my choosing to perpetuate what I do not want.

Reminds me of that old joke.
“Doctor, it hurts when I do this.”
“Then don’t do it.”

I’m noticing just how often I do it again and again and again… I’m like the Energizer Worry Bunny.

That was an excerpt from my journal. It’s still a very fine idea. I think I’ll start again now. Yes, these beliefs span across my relationships with everything, but I am not limited or confined by them unless I am choosing. So as I begin to notice when I am choosing them, I can also allow myself to choose not choose them. And as I begin to notice them, I shall not be discouraged by their seemingly overcoming presence. I am choosing to notice them so I will notice them even more, not less. And I will not use this noticing more to overwhelm me. I shall see them as gifts to myself, offering me the “how” of how I create my reality when I am automatically responding. And then I shall offer myself the gift of my freedom of choice. Not one hour at a time, but in each now.

And I do not want to leave this without acknowledging that how I have created, and what I have created, and what I do create, is beneficial to me. By creating these expressions of my fears, I have noticed how the belief system of relationships is not limited to people and what we designate as living things. I perceive everything I am interactive with through it. I noticed my relationship beliefs through interacting with a knife.

An excerpt from Elias Session 1114:

ELIAS: How may you generate what you want if you are not paying attention to the now and you are not allowing yourself permission to create that now? You shall wait and wait and wait and wait, for what you create in the now is what creates the future. The future is an illusion. There is no future.

What is, is now. If your concentration moves to waiting, you shall continue to generate waiting. Each day that you continue to express to yourself that you are not good enough YET, you continue to reinforce this discounting of yourself and you do not generate what you want. This is the significance of paying attention to you, familiarizing yourself with you, knowing what beliefs are influencing of your perception - which creates your actual reality - and paying attention to the now, being aware of what you are generating, expressing and creating NOW in each moment.

I am aware that this appears to all of you to be insignificant. “What am I generating now, in this moment? It matters not. I am doing nothing.” Incorrect, you ARE choosing.

Dale A Evans is a Personal Reality Coach and Energy Worker at It All Begins Now.