A Special CMPC Announcement

by Sharon Mendenhall

Sometimes you have to go right down to the inner self for your own answers. Not your best friends’ answers, your husbands, your neighbors, or 1-900-PSYCHIC. Honey, you need to dial yourself up. There is a special room at the CMPC subsidiary office that handles that very thing, as a public service. Just dial 1‑SLF‑AWRENES for a free direct connection.

That room is completely manned by three sisters. Triplets, as a matter of fact. Faith, Trust, and Acceptance. So every time you dial up, you be talkin’ to Faith. At least to begin with.

Faith is very beautiful. She is just what you would expect her to be. She spouts lines about how safe and loving the universe is. How we are all one. And how that very, very cooperate consciousness would never betray you. And as soon as she says you only need to trust, well that’s like Trust’s cue. Trust cuts right into your call.

Trust is also very beautiful. You can tell that they’re sisters. And you would also guess that Faith must be minutes older than Trust, because she acts like an adoring younger sister. She will tell you to have trust in what Faith is telling you, or have faith in Faith, because Trust trusts her, or something to that effect. But sooner, or later, she will say something about acceptance. That’s Acceptance’s cue. And Honey, this is where the call gets real interesting.

Acceptance is a bitch. I mean, she must be the oldest, and had a hell of a time getting out of the chute. Her whole face is mashed to one side, and she always seems to be talkin’ out the corner of her mouth. You don’t even have to know what she looks like to hate her. I mean, whatever you can imagine that Acceptance would look like, is exactly what she looks like. And what even pisses you off more, is that fact that Acceptance is the oldest, therefore the wisest. She has more comprehension in her little fingernail than both Faith and Trust put together, both of them being blonde to the max. So you can pretty well guess that whatever Acceptance says is not going to set well.

You see, you can talk to Faith and Trust all you want, but it is Acceptance that kicks you somewhere around the yellow Chakra and makes you unconsciously OM in a yoga breath. So if you dial 1-SLF-AWRENES you know that some time during that conversation you will be dealing with Ms. Acceptance, the Bitch. The Bitch of all Bitches. The one that is constantly in your face, like Mom on a bad hair day. You know that everything she says is absolutely right, but you don’t want to hear it, much less do it. “Like Fuck Off Acceptance!” But, Acceptance will stay right in your face until you hang up.

The problem with that is that Prosperity is right next door, and you have to go through the switchboard to get to her. And Faith always mans the switchboard, twenty four seven.

Faith is always doin’ her nails while she talks to you. And they are lovely indeed, but you always get the feeling that she is a little sidetracked. And then Trust comes on, and tells you to trust in what Faith just said, and you’re not quite sure what Faith just said, but before you can explain, Acceptance is on the line. So at that point, you are so angry, that you forget to ask for Prosperity before hanging up in a rage. The point is that you have to get all the way through Faith, Trust, and Acceptance, before you can get to Prosperity.

Faith and Trust are always looking in their little compact mirror adjusting their fluffy blonde locks and touching up their perfect makeup. But Acceptance has a huge double sided dressing table mirror with a long handle, and when she holds it up you cannot see her face, you can only see your own reflection which gives you the impression that you cannot speak to her without seeing yourself. It is very upsetting communicating with Acceptance even over the phone.

So you can easily see, it will require a whole bunch of phone calls before you know Acceptance well enough to learn her full name. You may think it is ASS, but it is really AOS.Acceptance Of Self. Surprisingly, if you talk to her long enough, you will begin to like her as wisdom has its merits. As you come to terms with Acceptance you will also come to terms with the mirror reflection of yourself and at some point remember to politely ask for Prosperity. You only need to graciously ask, for Prosperity is always willing to answer your call. If Acceptance is in the mood and not experiencing PMS, she’ll patch you right through.