How To Handle Contractors

by Rob Arteman

A guy came to my door this morning. He told me that he was a contractor and was in the neighborhood doing some work for my neighbors and thought he’d stop by and introduce himself.

He asked if I had received a letter from our home owners association in regards to painting my home? I said “Yes, but I hadn’t decided how I would have it done.” I asked him if he’d done any painting for any of my neighbors? He said “Yes, quite a few.” I asked him “What style was the most popular? Portrait, landscape, or if anyone asked for a cartoon caricature?”

He said, “No No No, we apply the paint TO the house!”

I said, “You mean like a mural or graffiti?”

“NO!” he said, “See this wall of your house? It is painted a color. We can re-paint it the same color or something different if you like!”

He went on to say that they did landscaping as well. “You’ve got a few weeds in the front yard and I’d be glad to send a team in to take care of them.”

I said, “Isn’t that a bit over the top? Sending in special forces or a SWAT team to take out a few weeds?”

He shakes his head and appears to be a little frustrated.

He asks, “Is there anyone else home that he might be able to talk to? Perhaps someone with an I.Q. greater than 7?”

I got a little excited and fired back at him saying “I LOVED that movie too! But I’d give it a 10 not a 7. Walter Matthau, Meg Ryan, and Tim Robbins. What a great movie!” On the side of his truck it said that they do painting, landscaping and restorations. He began walking away when I hollered at him asking if he had a business card he could leave with me. Just in case I decide to be restored to a more youthful time in my life!

He turned and either flipped me off or was indicating that I need some roof work done as well!

At this point he just walked away mumbling something about me not having any kids and hoping the gene pool didn’t spread.