Native American Focus

by James (Rob) Arteman

Chief Salmon-Wang called for his son, Little-Wick, I want you to marry the daughter of chief Crack-Pipe of the Comanchitos’s tribe, Yeti-Tush! This surprised Little-Wick because he thought his father new of his love for Running-Bare of the Sue Indian tribe.

They are a warring tribe that sometimes refer to themselves as lawyers.

However, the chief of the Sue, Take-Um-Cleaners wants Running-Bare to marry my focus Hugh Heifer! I‘m from a well-to-do tribe known as the Pawning! We support much trading with other tribes. It appears that my father is a shrewd business man. He says that it’s “who you know!” I‘m sure that’s why he has me greeting everyone who comes to our store, Wampum-Mart! Which was great since my magazine publication “PlayBore” didn’t take off like I’d hoped.

Some say it was the title, but I think it was the release of that new Evon Woodchuck speed reading course. It was broadcast over our TP Cable Trade-Per-View-Um. I think it worked for me. You start by hanging by your feet from a tree limb, place the book, magazine, whatever, under your head. Turn the pages as fast as you can and when done, close the book, reach up and cut the rope holding you.

Then you fall head first on the book and all of its information shoots into your brain!

I tried it with one of the recommended books on learning a new language. When I recovered from the fall, I immediately began speaking in the new language. The book I chose was “The Articulation Of Obscenities”

My next attempt will be to read something that seems to be most important to my Medicine Man Optometrist. Everyone that enters his office is asked to read a chart and to provide him with an immediate review. I plan to sneak into his TP and take the chart for a speed reading session.

He caught me trying to fake it last time when I said “I really enjoyed what I read. I felt like the author and I were on the same page. I was so drawn into the story, I felt like I was the character EFP TOZ!” Well, he seemed to know right away that I wasn’t really reading the chart correctly!
Thinking back now, I think

E

F P

T O Z

was the author and not the main character!

However, he told me my eyes were fine, the only problem he saw was that they were connected to a worthless lump of gray matter! I asked him if he could recommend a specialist that could remove it. Otherwise our Pawning health plan won’t cover it if it’s outside of our tribe network.

He said that possibly with one good sneeze it would just fall out, however, he’d order me a special nose spray made with a new medicine called something like nitro glycerin just in case.